POLICE have called for a break in protests after a recent claim by pro-animal activists prompted violent outbursts from local farmers.
The travelling group of PETER activists took to the streets of Upper-Laerton late last Tuesday with the shocking claim they had gathered evidence disproving the existence of cows.
Outraged, the local farming community were quick to confront the PETER activists with their own cattle. But the protesters were not easily convinced.
“The cows were clearly horses in fancy dress,” said Pete Peters, a prominent PETER participant. “The data we have collected proves that farmers do not own cows and go to extreme lengths to maintain the lie that they do.”
Excalibur Muck, 74, was one of the farmers first to confront the PETER protesters and was subsequently arrested for hitting a police officer with an old copy of this newspaper.
“I’ve been a dairy farmer my whole life,” Muck explained. “I’ve milked my cows twice a day for almost 50 years and fed my family using the money I have made selling milk. If cows don’t exist where is this milk coming from?”
Chief Constable Bobby Stockdale refuses to share his views on the matter, but has asked for both sides to stop their protests after days of disruption.
“The clashes are seriously affecting local businesses, particularly those on the Upper-Laerton High Street. If the protests continue to cause disruption we will have no option but to use military force.”
The leaders of PETER informed us they had plans to move on to other farming towns in the area, but refused to tell us where they were going.
“We will continue to spread our message,” Pete Peters pontificated. "Hopefully we can continue to gather support from communities affected by cow fictionalisation and convince people to open up about what is clearly a sensitive issue.”
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