blog.

The Gardener Inspired by Diet Coke's 2013 TV campaign 'The Gardener' Etta James 'I Just Want To Make Love To You' or equivalently libidinous song soundtracks the scene: A picturesque park on a warm summers day. An elevated view establishes the presence of a hill. This all looks and sounds familiar? PAN DOWN to five women sat on top of the hill, socialising. CLOSE UP of the five women: 40ish, professional, attractive. They giggle, chat. WOMAN-1 turns down the hill to watch som

Casabalancarr A misguided continuation of the BBC’s glaringly transparent attempts to massage every globule of pecuniary milk from the shrivelled teat of Alan Carr’s recent post-Traitors popularity boost. This shot-for-shot remake of revered 1942 romantic drama Casablanca has the bespectacled Chatty Man host CGI’d into every single role. Other significant changes will come in the form of occasional script edits like “play it again, Alan” and “here’s looking at you, Alan” and

Citizen Harry Kane A quasi-biographical film examining the life and legacy of English centre-forward Harry Edward Kane. To be written by, directed by, and starring the fat intoxicated ghost of Orson Welles. Edward Fingerhands A perfectly normal able bodied man overcomes nothing to fulfil simple dreams of landscape gardening. Mistaken When Liam Neeson’s daughter fails to update her father on changes to a holiday itinerary, he incorrectly assumes she’s been kidnapped and travel

Ramsey’s Bedroom Nightmares Humourlessly self-aware sweary prick, Gordan Ramsey takes his God complex to the bedroom in this highly...

I've approached ITVBe about producing some of these but they are yet to get back to me.