Day 8 of posting to the blog everyday.
Yep, once again I've left it late. I'm going to explain some more of the 1,300 notes I have saved on my phone. I did this on day 4 of the daily post challenge, so I guess it's something I could do every 4 days? How does that sound?
If it's going to be a recurring segment, I propose we come up with a name for it...
I can't think of anything right now, but I'll come up with something for next time. Or you could come up with a name yourselves? All three of you who actually read this fucking thing.
Note 1: If a vegan kills themselves, are they still vegan?
This is half a dumb rhetorical joke, half an actual question. I guess if a vegan feels so shitty that they want to end their life, they won't care much about abandoning any moral values or principles. I'm encroaching on insulting suicidal people which I really don't want to do. Next note.
Note 2: First cum first serve
When writing a joke, you always come up with the punchline and work backwards. This is a punchline to a set up I haven't written yet, but would be something like: 'did you know they used to decide who started tennis matches by seeing who could orgasm quickest? First cum, first serve.'
Okay I know that sucks ass, but I like punchlines that rely on two or more double meanings. So in this punchline there's come/cum and serve (to perform a service)/serve (the opening tennis shot).
This is genuinely what is going on in my head most of the time.
Note 3: Nature calls
It's weird how the phrase 'nature calls' is one you can only use when referring to needing the toilet, and not when, say, murdering a love rival. Both are natural urges.
This is a shitty standup premise that has probably been done to death by some hack comedian somewhere.
Note 4: The worst place to sell sea shells is on the sea shore
Because that's where all the free sea shells are. Right?
Note 5: Fight or flight - I can't fly
Not sure what the hell I meant by this. Maybe it's somebody trying to justify fighting by saying they can't fly?
Quick format point for if we do more phone notes in the future: do you want me to include notes that I don't remember the meaning behind? So far they've all been fairly coherent, but occasionally I'll write a single word or phrase that makes no sense at all. Do you want to see them?
Note 6: You never see ugly sex addicts
A witless observation. Every sex addict seems to be an attractive, charismatic actor or famous person. It's never just, like, Dave from down the pub.
Note 7: Magazine called Vague
I want to start a magazine called Vague which is just the magazine Vogue but everything is a bit blurry.
This joke is my Tinder bio. No, no one has ever remarked upon it.
Note 8: I am feel
This is what I was talking about when I said some of my notes make no sense.
Genuinely at a loss with this one.
Note 9: I like showers but hate getting wet
No, really, I wrote that down.
Note 10: Marshmallow joke
I'm sure you're all dying to know what the marshmallow joke is.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my giant marshmallow was missing!
Ten notes is enough, right?
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